Ancient FaceBook

    I noticed something really weird about myself the other day, I seem to dream about what I would talk about if I was a comedian. I find myself thinking things all the time that I realize if I tried to talk about it to someone it would be really random, because how in the world would this come up in conversation, or even at all unless you were a comedian. Here is what was on my mind:

I was thinking What if FaceBook was invented first and has been around ever since! (I know how impossible this is, but just visualize this with me!) First of all Imagine the kind of groups they would have when cave men were there! Or any time really, it would probably be stuff like "Say no to the Stamp Acts" Or "If you think women should be able to vote press like here" Or "The world is round not flat!" People's statuses would be like Thomas Edison "Day 157: Attempt 30 at the light bulb" and "Suzie wore a skirt above her ankles what a scandal!" Or better yet, what would their relationship statuses be? Probably things like "Single but I have a arranged marriage coming up" "Courting" and things like that.You know I really should start comedy videos....Never mind! I would never get around to it, and I would be constantly changing it! So here ya go! The next time I have a mental comedy sceen I will share it with you!

Hillarious exchanges on FB and some surprisingly true

These all contributed to my amazing mood today!

Teacher humor,


Teacher: Can you see God? Class: No. Teacher: Can you touch God? Class: No. Teacher: Then there isn't a God! Student: Sir, can you see your brain? Teacher: No. Student: Can you touch your brain? Teacher: No. Student: So you have no brain!

Teacher leave the room during a test:
Elementary- *silence*
Middle- *whispers* can i have gum?
High school- *yells across the room* hey whats number 1?

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Old people? How original!


Age 5- mom: "honey your goldfish died" You: **cries, cries, cries**
Age 15- mom: "honey your goldfish died" You: "we had a goldfish??"

Grandpa: When i was your age my momma would send me down to the store with $1 and I would come back with 5 bags of potatoes 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk a box of tea and 6 eggs but you cant do that these days too many stupid security cameras

My mums so old fashioned, she thinks LOL means lots of love, one day she sent me a text saying "Grandmas died LOL"

Guy:God, how long is a million years to you?
God:A minute.
Guy:How much is a million dollars to you?
God:A penny.
Guy:Can I have a penny?
God:In a minute.

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BLONDES!!!!!!!! (It's ok, I am a blonde, it is ok for me to like blonde jokes)


Someone Hacked into a Blondes computer account. The password was: MickeyGoofyPlutoDaisyCinderellaShrekDonkeyFionaWashingtonD.C. When asked why she had such a long password she replied that she was told it had to have at least eight characters and one capital.

Blonde: WHO WANTS TO DATE ME AND HURRY?!?!?!
Boy: Why do you want someone to date you?
Blonde: Because in 2012 every SINGLE person would die!!


A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body."
"That's odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean"
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says, "You're not a natural brunette are you?"
"No I'm a blonde", she replies.
"I thought so.... your finger is broken.", replies the doctor.

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Friends!

**Friends**
"Wanna come over?"
"Sure, but let me shower, put makeup on & do my hair first."
**Best friends**
"I'm coming over."
"Okay, but I look like crap."
"I don't care, so do I."

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Love,


Him: Hey

You (to yourself): Oh my God.. he just texted me.. I wonder what he wants.. maybe he just wants to talk... maybe he's mad at me, i mean all he said was hey... I should just answer him, i don't want to keep him waiting...well maybe i'll wait another 3 minutes so he thinks i'm busy... no, that's too obvious. Could this mean he's into me? Or is he just bored? Either way is fine, i mean i don't care if he likes me back. who said that i even liked him?! i'm just gonna text him back now. Should i reply hi or hey? or hey with three y's? no that's stupid. 2 y's works. He won't know if i did it on purpose or if it was just accidental. Okay. I got this.
Breath in, breath out.

You: Heyy


I'm at Wal*Mart, hair tied up in a bun, no makeup, sweat pants,old t-shirt with paint and holes in it, and slippers. and every time I turn around, HOT GUYS EVERYWHERE.
freakkin lovely.


Girlfriend - Hey!
Boyfriend - I need to speak to you...
Girlfriend - Oh what about?
Boyfriend - I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore...
Girlfriend - What?! *becomes upset*
Boyfriend - I want to be your husband *Pulls out a box and proposes*
Girlfriend - :) ...

Best yellow dress EVER

Ok I think I found the perfect yellow dress, of course it's designer and expensive! But it is totally me! I love it!
Here is another one I found that is amazing!

I can Laugh!

        I don't think I have felt this good in a long time! Finally for some reason, I think I am getting back to the good me! Lately I have been feeling so alone, sad and less confident. Things haven't been going very well and I've tried not to complain about it or tell anyone about it, but I think I can say I'm feeling much better! For a while it felt as though everything was slipping away, but it really wasn't, it was me who was slipping. So yeah I feel much better!  Things still aren't going that great, but my attitude has changed a bit. I finally feel more like myself. So I think this is a good time to say, "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!"

        I have to say there have been a few funny moments lately, I met some guys from Canada last Sunday at a church event. They were completely messing with me, and it was hilarious! I don't feel like repeating the whole conversation here, kind of because it's kind of embarrassing for me and mostly because it was a long conversation and I so don't feel like typing it! I should mention another story though. last week I could not sleep, mostly because I had spent the hours of 9pm-1am starting and finishing the most amazing book ever ("Beastly") but after I finished the book, I could not go to sleep at all! That is how I found myself at 3 am deciding I should work on some homework since I couldn't sleep.Unfortunately at my house my family likes to completely turn it off, so when I went to use it I turned it on, put in the first password and then went to the next screen where I had to use another password. I tried all the ones they used to be, since we don't change them unless someone gets grounded and none of them were it! I spent about 5 minutes on that, but decided I would ask my sister instead. I gently woke her up, since I knew she would just fall straight back to sleep, but once I did she told me she didn't know and that I should ask my mom. I decided that I would brave waking her up at 3:20 in the morning and asked her what the password was she said it was "llama." (Now just so you know the password will be changing soon, so don't get any ideas.) I thought llama was spelled "lama" When that didn't work I tried every variation of spelling llama that I could!

For example:
lama
lamma
Lamah
lahma
lahmu
lahmmu
lahmah
lamah
lammah

I even tried all of these with various capitals, I even tried looking it up on my dictionary on my ipod touch,but of course when you don't know how to spell something a dictionary on and ipod touch is kind of pointless! After about 30 minutes of this I decided to go back up to my room and ask my mom how to spell "llama" She informed me the word had two L's, but of course she laughed at me first, I was fully expecting her wrath that I had woken her up again, instead she was laughing! I didn't see what was so funny, but now I get it. Needless to say I don't think I will ever forget how to spell llama!

Driving,Trafic, Freezers, Ice Cream, and Automatic Stuff in the Bathroom.

Yesterday night was great, I had quite a good amount of laughs, I had Ice cream and fries after a crappy day, when I got home I was greeted to a hilarious surprise when I opened the freezer here is what I saw.

I laughed so hard! the bowl had icecream in it and it had somehow frozen to the top of the freezer! I laughed because I had just had icecream!
        I thought today might be a better day, yet it wasn't. I was late to class, because of an accident on the freeway, it took 30 minutes longer than normal to get to the school because of the traffic. I amused myself by taking pictures of some of the crazy drivers that I could catch.

 The rest of my day wasn't so great either, but I kept laughing by one silly thought that's been going through my head. Why are all bathrooms different? I mean seriously! Whenever I go to the bathroom at home, I'm ok. Because I know that I have to turn the faucet and flush the toilet. but other places I find myself putting my hands underneath the paper towel dispenser and waiting and waiting for the water to turn on and waiting for the toilet to flush. Ok I know you think this is weird, but I spend precious time thinking I'm in a different bathroom than I really am. The walmart bathroom is all automatic, the one at work the paper towels are, the one at the movie theatre the water is, and the one at school only the toilets are. I get so confused between them all. I always wait for the wrong thing, I find myself waving my hands underneath the sink at work where the paper towels are automatic and I find myself waving my hands underneath the paper towels at church! They should really think about Blond-proof-ing the bathrooms in this world! Anyways, I hope that entertained you as much as it did me today!

Stories? Bandaid Achie Proboscis

Ok, how many of these little characters am I going to have to make? First it's Bandaid Bob, then its Achie Abe and now it's Peter Proboscis? What does Proboscis mean anyways? And how many of these guys am I going to make?  Well I think I am going to weave them together today, I have no idea at the moment what its going to be about yet, but I will in a few seconds.......

Ok here we go,

A few years after Bandaid bob and Lucy met and Louis the lab met at the park, Bandaid Bob decided he needed a career and he needed to go to school. He already had a lot of great things on his resume, (you know after he saved a whole population.) he decided he was going to apply to Harvard, he didn't think it would be too hard, after all how many times has a talking finger applied to Harvard? What he didn't know that there was already talking ears and a talking nose! But since he was a talking finger, he got in anyways. Well the talking nose (Peter Proboscis) and the talking ear (Achie Abe) All decided they wanted to go into government one day. Peter and Abe were huge competitors, now that Bandaid Bob was coming to Harvard Peter and Abe knew they would have to step up their game! Of course they all wanted to go into the same field, they all wanted to go into civil rights, (I hope they have a branch for civil rights in the government, since I did absolutely no research for this story what so ever!) they wanted to make sure all body parts got treated equally, and there just wasn't enough of that for people like them.

           Once the semester started all three were disapointed to find that they had a class together, and as these things usually go, they also had a group project together. Now I don't know about you but I have had many group projects with people I did not like before, they weren't usually fun projects to do. Well it was the same between these three. Their project was to put on a little presentation or play that would describe the way money circulates. ( this was an ecinomics class) They wrote down a plan and had an outline, but neither of  them were happy about it.
        So, they each went home and decided to re-do it. That becomes a problem when its supposed to be done together! Well when the presentation came about Achie Abe came dressed up as a Hot Dog, Bandaid bob came dressed up as Louis the lab (because he admired him so much) and Peter, well he came dressed up as Tinker Bell. Once they saw eachother in the hall before class, they realized they probably were not going to get a good grade that day and they had each made a big mistake. They figured that they might as well try and relate the costumes since they already had them on, so their play became a play about how one day Tinkerbell was walking her dog and how a dropped hot dog, sang to them about the money circulation. They got an A, and they have been best friends ever since.

I havent posted in FOREVER!

  Who knew? You can apparently get high on hairspray! I didn't try it or anything, but when my friend went to pick me up for school this morning I was acting pretty giggly and he asked me if I was high, I said of course not. Then he asked if I had used hairspray this morning. I was like, oh my gosh yes, yes I did! So maybe I was a little because I couldn't control my giggling this morning!

       I am going to write another short story soon, my friend was complaining again, this time it was how his earphones hurt his ears because of his new glasses, and I decided I was going to make a new line of stories about achy Abe the ape. I'm not sure what it's going to be about yet, but you can be sure it will be hilarious!

      I took the public bus yesterday for the first time; I don't think anyone on the bus was expecting someone like me! I made tons of friends, I'm pretty sure that’s not what the bus is for, but I have a bus buddy now! I'm pretty sure it's not safe either, but I can't help it I'm so friendly! Besides I'm pretty sure I made everyone’s day, I don't think they were expecting someone so cheerful and weird on the bus that day. Although there was this one guy, who had a portable radio, with the sound way up so everyone could hear, it was really loud! He was also mumbling to himself, saying weird things about the government. Then there was another guy who came on and started talking about how what a creep that guy looked like, who shot all of those people in Tucson. When he left, the bus driver said, if you ask me he looked more of  a creep than the other guy. What was funny about it was, I was thinking the exact same thing!

      Well I will be taking the bus again on Thursday, I will let you know if anything else weird happens!

TTFN