Blond Moments

There are people out there that make fun of us blond's! I find the blond jokes entertaining, maybe some of my fellow blond gods and goddesses don't think so, but I believe that if you can't laugh at yourself from time to time, you are going to be very depressed. I'm going to share a couple of my most hilarious blond moments so that if you can't laugh at yourself, you can at least laugh at me for a few minutes!
This last month, I've had so many blond moment related injuries I had to take a few minutes to remember them all and you know, I'm pretty sure I forgot a few..... Here is what my little list looked like:

1. Sidewalk
2. Shampoo/Conditioner
3. Apples
4. The white door
5. The fan
6. The way too long text conversation...
7. The crackhead

Yeah definitely forgetting a few especially since #6 is from the summer...

OK let me explain all of these!

1. Sidewalk (not exactly a blond moment, but definitely a clumsy one)

Two weeks ago I was on my way to class, I wasn't in a hurry, but I did have to be in class by 10:30, it was 10:20. As I was crossing the mini courtyard area, I came across an irregularity in the sidewalk, where two pieces joined one area was higher than the other before it. Of course I trip on it, I started to fall and almost righted myself, when my ankle just gave out! I ended up scraping my foot up and badly bruising my knee. About 15 people saw it, so it was really embarrassing. I ended up going into mild shock, scaring people around me that had stopped to help. My ankle is fine now, but I did end up being 20 minutes late to my class.

2. Shampoo/Conditioner

About three weeks ago I finally got tired of all the half empty and almost empty shampoo and conditioner bottles I had. They would get this way because I change up the brands a lot. I decided that it would be worth my time to decrease the amount I had by putting them together. I was at the point where I had one more set to combine, when I was almost finished, I put the bottle down so that the remaining conditioner could go to the bottom when I realized the conditioner I had been mixing with another conditioner was actually shampoo, a creamy shampoo that resembled conditioner, but it was shampoo nonetheless. I ended up with a bottle of half conditioner and half shampoo, and let me tell you, it is not the same as a 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner. It was all lumpy and gross by the end of the week...

3. Apples

You've eaten apple pie right? Well think about what it tastes like and what the sliced apples usually look like, the crust and topping. Do you have it in your head? Good. Now think about the apple slices, is the skin still on the slices? No? Good, because the skin is supposed to be peeled off before sliced, otherwise you've messed up just like I did when I made Dutch Apple pie this Thanksgiving. Yeah I forgot to peel the apples, was still a good pie though....

4. The White Door

I think we've established that I'm clumsy, but I guess I like to humiliate myself to the extreme, or I like making people laugh because I'm going to tell you this story as well. Once when I was getting out of my sister's car, the car door was not opened all the way, so it could close at anytime. So when I got out and bumped the door just so, it closed really hard on my shoulder. I think I scared some neighbors with my loud scream. I ended up with a bruise on my shoulder for 2 weeks!

5. The Fan

I frequently run into the light fixture on my ceiling fan. You would think I would be able to prevent this now since it happens all the time, but I consistently forget. The thing is my fan broke a couple of months ago so it's hanging at least a foot lower than it should, so when I wear heels I always whack my head on a light bulb.... Not very safe.

6. The Way Too Long Text Conversation

Over the summer, I worked as a lifeguard and met a lot of new people. I had a bit of a crush on a guy and we got along ok, I thought he might like me a bit especially after we exchanged phone numbers. So I was excited when a couple of weeks later I texted him and he asks me out. I say sure and we keep talking for a while when he asks me "did you move?" I thought this was a weird question, since he never knew where I lived in the first place. when I tell him no he then asks, "wait are you still going to school at (insert random High school here)" I thought he was graduated already so I was definitely confused and told him that no I didn't and never did, also that I was in college. He took a long time to text back and said "oh, who is this again?" I proceeded to tell him who I was. I came to find out that he thought he was talking to someone completely different, apparently my name is very similar to a friend of his. Needless to say we didn't go out, and the next time I saw him at work was very awkward!

7. The Crackhead

This story is particularly funny because I basically was a really good example of why sleep is important. The week that this happened, I had been getting on average 2-4 hours of sleep. I believe this was D-day #5. I was at work here at school and it was close to closing time, so it was only me and 3 other people. I went up to the front desk to my co-worker and started whispering all creepily basically speaking nonsense, the whole time the guy I work with is looking at me weird, but I didn't care I was majorly sleep deprived! I then finished off the conversation laughing and giggling randomly and uncontrollably. I could not stop laughing! I think I laughed for 45 minutes straight as all of the people I work with are looking at me. That night I think I got a lot of sleep.

Ok, so if you didn't stop reading after #1 I hope this made you laugh as much as they made me laugh about them later. Remember that if nothing is going right then give someone a smile, and laugh every chance you get, it'll make your day better!

TTFN Till next time

Back to School!

The worst part about getting at school early 2 hours before your class, is that you have to be at college longer than needed. Since I don't have a car right now, I've got to take what I can get! It really stinks when you are just sitting around with absolutely nothing to do! So far I've checked my email, done a couple of homework assignments before I've even gotten to class, (how sad is that?) checked facebook, played solitaire, and checked my class schedule about 5 times. I even did a class orentation. I now have about 30 minutes till my first class, and have nothing better to do than blog!

It's so crazy that this is my third year of college! It is also my younger sisters fist year at college. It seems like just last week that we were jumping around on the trampoline and the couch. (Yes our mom let us jump on the couch!) My little brother is also going to be 16 soon. It's crazy to watch your younger siblings change and mature. It's quite an amazing and facinating process.

I'm kind of wishing that I had gotten more sleep last night, but I couldn't help it! Every night before the first day of school, I have a hard time sleeping. No matter how many first days I have, I'm pretty sure that this will never change! I only have one class today so really I shouldn't even worry, but it's a choir class, and the director is kind of crazy. I'm not sure how else to describe him. He's just your typical music director, who thinks what he does is the most important thing of all. If you have ever been in band, choir or orchestra, then you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Well wish me luck on my first day back at college! I'm sure I'll do fine, I always do, but one can never have too much luck!

The letter "C"

The letter "C"
I think that the letter c can be one of the trickiest letters in the alphabet! Seriously! The one thing I don't understand is the combo of "ck" in truck and the word lick! Why in the world do we need two letters side by side that sound the same? And some of the sounds created by the letter "C" can be confused with some of the sounds that involve s, k, And even t if you think about it. Ci can make a sh sound which can also be confused with the sound to can make in the word notion. The more obvious comparison would be the letter k. But in the word especially , you could argue that it makes the same sound as an s. No wonder so many of us have difficulty spelling!

Rate one to ten

I'm sorry I haven't posted in forever! I've been so busy this summer, I was hoping it could have been one of those summers when I would get to relax, but obviously not! I'm working at du splash over the summer to save for a car. Anyways I have thought this coming topic a lot and I thought I'd share :)

I really hate it when doctors ask me to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10! Because as easy as it sounds to just spout off some number that sounds appropriate, once you think about it, it's a really difficult decision! For one thing you don't want the doctor to think you're not in any pain, because in reality you really are in pain, you also don't want to go too high because you don't want the doctor to think you're full off it either. Secondly a six for you might actually be someone else's eight, because if you have been in worse pain before, something that could be really painful for one person wouldn't, in comparison to other pain you have felt, be that painful to you. Another thing if you have had that pain for a while and constantly, doesn't it also make sense that you would become accustomed to it and, seem to diminish over time? So really a six for you could actually mean a lot more pain than it sounds because you are used to worse. And what happens when you can hide your pain really well and finally decide to give a nine? Does the doctor actually believe you? Does he/she just think you're some kind of Drama queen? I know I would! So for the reasons I have discussed the rating system for pain is seriously flawed, or at least it seems that way for me! Maybe I just think about things WAY too much. I'm not sure I'll ever figure that one out, because honestly we come back to the same problem, there is just no full-proof way to figure out that one, after all when does one really think too much? Maybe everyone else doesn't think about things enough. I guess we'll never know the answer to that one either!  

3am

There are some points in your life when you just have the most amazing ideas, and they come at the weirdest times, for me it seems as though they come at 3am almost always. I'm partially considering waking up at 3am just for creative genius moments. But I think that if I tried that, all I would achive would be going to bed late. One of these times I woke up around 2am for some reason! I couldn't go back to sleep! I ended up cuting my own hair, and it looked amazing! When I told everyone that I had done it myself, they were surprised. But I think I have outdone myself this time, at around 3am a month or so ago, I had the most amazing idea for a movie. I ended up writing a couple of pages for a book. My idea was to have a modern tale of Sleeping beauty. I don't think anyoone has done that yet. So I think once you read the first part of the book, you will agree that most of my best ideas come at 3 in the morning. I wonder why that is though.

**Warning: May contain grammatical errors and not very well thought out sentences as well as plot structure. It's a a rough draft.**

Prologue

Boy.

I knew I was in trouble and that my life would be changed forever at the exact moment I pressed my lips against hers.  I guess if one is to kiss a girl while she is asleep and unaware of the situation that you're asking for it. But this wasn't just some random chick I met at a party; this was an entirely different situation. I guess I must admit that I didn't have good intentions at all when I kissed her, but I had no idea what kind of choice I was making and how it would alter my life forever. There was just the teensy problem that I had already decided to break her heart. I would never have guessed that I would fall in love.

The first time I saw her she was sleeping, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, she had hair, that I would bet millions was made of silk, and her dress was nothing like those silly tacky and poufy dresses you see in the movies. But it was the color of the clear waters of the Caribbean and draped across her like something an angel would wear. It’s fabric looked as delicate as a butterflies wings, I found it felt like water flowing through my fingers. The woman looked extremely out of place in her dark and abysmal surroundings, but she made the room shine with a brilliance I couldn’t describe even if I knew the dictionary by heart. But when I kissed her I saw the most beautiful thing about her. Her eyes. They were the color of caramel and golden outer edges with a hint of green you could only see up close. They were the eyes of an innocent angel or adorable eyes of a lovable puppy that you want to give your entire heart to. As soon as I had this thought, I immediately banished it from my mind. I was not meant to feel this way; I couldn't let my guard down and be sucked into those heavenly eyes! I had a mission and I could not let these girls’ eyes distract me. I was awakened from my internal struggle when she touched her perfect soft lips in awe and smiled the most beautiful smile, at that moment I knew this was not going to end well.  The whole thing started 400 years ago.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Beauty

                 I couldn’t wait for later today! My 18th birthday ball was today! And it was rumored that Prince Peter was coming to propose. I actually wasn't that excited, since everyone knew his sister was crazy, his family thought it was a secret, but nothing could be kept secret from my sister. A lot of people, including me did not enjoy my sisters presence but she was my younger sister what could I do! I tried convincing my parents that she hated me, maybe they believed me but they weren't admitting it.

I was kind of nervous for tonight, because not only was the prince coming but so was his sister. Not only that but my sister and his sister hated each other with a passion. I am not sure what happened to make it that way, I didn’t usually pay attention to her unless I had to, and so she may have told me once. I was dreading seeing the prince but he was cute and obviously had the biggest crush on me, who was I to deny a handsome mans attention? He wasn't cute enough to deal with his crazy sister however.  What was awful about them together was that they were twins and very close, so I knew if I were to actually marry him it would be my prison sentence. I was pretty sure I had a good way to get rid of him. I was going to embarrass him big time so he would never be able to become part of royalty, and I was going to make sure it would happen in front of everyone, I doubted I would get caught. I never was, and even if I was suspected no one dared blame me. I was the kings’ daughter after all, I got everything I wanted and I was definitely never denied something I wanted. I worried for a second about it though, what if I were to get caught? It may have serious consequences. In the end I didn’t worry too much about it.

Chapter 2 The Dance
                I have always known that everyone loved me, except those people that were jealous, I couldn't help it if I was beautiful, no one can. It also wasn't my fault no one as happy with their own appearance. So when everything went so wrong at my own birthday I was genuinely surprised as to what happened.  I remember when I mentioned the prince and how I wanted to embarrass him at the dance so he could never show his face, and never marry me; well that's when everything went wrong. I thought I had found the perfect plan, I decided to slip a poison ivy in his new suit before the dance, the whole time I could tell he was trying to be discrete but he really wasn't.

When he arrived at the dance he was perfectly fine, so I guess the poison Ivy took a while to take affect. He was in the middle of a dance with (someone prestigious here) when you could see it on his face. He scrunched up his nose and tightened his eyes in a grimace; it got so bad he finally scratched while he put her through a spin. All those looking at him noticed his odd behavior. He danced with a couple more maidens who all ended up looking appalled and disturbed afterwards. No one dared say no, since he was a prince. At every twirl he would use his other hand to scratch. It finally got to the point where he couldn’t handle it anymore; it got so bad that he ended up needing to borrow my fathers’ trousers. I guess he was more determined to ask me to marry him than I thought.

My father is a pretty large man the trousers he borrowed were very large on him and very loose. So when he changed he was not only itching still, but also constantly pulling up his pants. It was the most hilarious thing I had ever witnessed! It was like he was dancing a complicated routine that involved a lot of complicated hand movements, twirls and twitching!

Even after all of this, I think the moment that really did me in was when he asked me to dance. Since I was the kings’ daughter, naturally everyone was watching so they all witnessed my demise, and his. He seemed so engaged in my face that multiple times he would be off the beat, so it came as no surprise that he didn’t notice what happened after he twirled me to make another itch. After the twirl I heard people whispering saw children pointing at his feet. I looked down and realized that here was another instance that proved how infatuated he actually was, at his feet where his pants, or rather, my fathers pants. My eyes drifted upwards to what people were starring at; he was wearing the most hideous underwear of purple silk, with my name embroidered on then in large white letters and large red welts were all around his legs, which made him look like he had walked into a wasps nest.

I couldn't control my laughter! They were loud unattractive laughs mingled with giggles with a tint of disgust beneath the surface. It looked that awful. This had to be the most embarrassing moment I had ever witnessed. I had not imagined it could have played out this way, but it was perfect! This had developed better than I could have ever thought. I was amused, but also a little disgusted that he had my name on his underwear. It made me wonder if he was some kind of pervert.  I don't know what made me say what I did next, but I ended up saying it. As I took all of this in, he seemed to realize what had happened his face turned a deep crimson and I said a little too loudly and with a smile on my face, "Oh they'll never let you marry me now! I had no idea you held me so closely!" Then to my dismay I also said; “I had no idea that poison ivy looked that bad!” (lets just call the prince Julian right now and his sister Elaina and my sister Elizabeth)

 This may have been the thing that clued everyone in to the fact that I was to blame for the current situation. But I didn’t get a chance to say much else or explain myself, because as I heard the gasps and whispers after my statement, I heard another thing, a loud piercing scream that chilled me to the core. This voice belonged to the Elaina, Julian’s twin sister.  She was charging through the crowd in my direction with a furious expression on her face. My sister Elizabeth gave a giggle if delight and Elaina’s glare was momentarily directed towards her. I guess my sister hated me more than I thought because she seemed so delighted that someone could be so mad at me. Elaina was not distracted from me for long. She looked back at me after giving my sister, as what could only be described as a ‘I will get you later’ look. Elaina was not what you would call ugly, but she was definitely no beauty. She had beautiful features, that may have shone more if she didn’t wear a permanently dissatisfied expression.

"You spoiled brat!" she yelled. As she said this she looked like she was going to hurt me. 

"You are the most selfish arrogant self observed girl I have ever met! You just had to do it didn't you! Your life wasn’t good enough for you, you just had to try to ruin someone else’s life!"

I personally didn't see what was wrong with me, sure what I did was wrong, but everyone had a good laugh didn't they? And it had been necessary! I just couldn't spend my life with this person! I went on to explain this, but half way through she cut me off to screech;

 " You only think of yourself don't you? Have you ever done something nice for someone? Have you ever thought of someone other than yourself?"

I didn't exactly agree but what was wrong with liking yourself was there? I had done nice things for other people many times, but sometimes the princess came first.

 “I am important!” I managed to squeak out. “I am the princess after all, so sometimes I come first." I didn't think it was possible but she seemed to get more mad.

" That's it!" she shrilled “ I am done putting up with this any longer. You have tormented my brother long enough.”

“Tormented?” I managed before she cut me off again.

“Do you have any idea how much he cares for you?" She didn't stop for me to answer, “of course you don't! You don't pay attention to anyone but yourself!"

“That is not true!”

“Yes it is! You are selfish and self centered, and you humiliated my brother for your own personal gain! Do you know how many people actually like you?"

 She paused seemingly waiting for an answer but I was too shocked. I knew that everyone liked me there was no question, but after her episode I was starting to wonder.

“You know, I don't think you do I think you believe that everyone loves you! Well let me tell you something. You have break peoples hearts with no hesitation and you don’t love anyone but yourself!" She paused to look around as to confirm her answer; I was surprised when I heard my own sister’s voice. She said in a gleeful tone;
" Ooh! I was hoping this would happen one day! Sister, you are awful, you deserve to never be loved! I bet that even if you had all the time in the world you would never be loved or love another human being!"
                " See!” Said the Elaina. “You are just as I said! It is time you are taught the lesson you deserve. I quite like the thought your sister had!”

I was starting to get really worried at this point, so I just stared as she declared in a sure and clear voice; “So I have made my decision. You will have one week to find someone who loves you and that you love back. If you fail, you will fall into a deep sleep and will only awaken every 50 years at a man's kiss. You will have another weeks time to find a man that you put before yourself! If you don't you will go back to sleep another 50 years! "

She paused to take a breath to say in the most quite tone yet, “But be warned if you do not find a man that returns your selfless love and seals it with true loves kiss buy the time four hundred years comes by, you will die a painful death that will allow you to feel all of the hurt you have ever inflicted on others!" 

 She then waved her hand, and stalked out if the ballroom. I looked around and saw my sisters happy face, my parents shocked expressions and Julian’s sad and embarrassed face I didn’t know what to do, everyone was starring at me. It was as if someone had paralyzed us all temporarily. I started to think about what was said and then I started to feel light headed my eyes started to go dark and then everything went black.

I woke 5 days later to a strange old lady that I did not know, she was saying something strange, it had something to do with Elizabeth! She was going to have to stay with me for 400 years! This didn't make sense! Unless, my mind went back to what I last remembered, none of it could be true! "Oh no! Oh no oh no!" My dream! It had to be real! Otherwise my current situation didn’t make sense.  I didn't realize that I had cried out until my father was asking me what was wrong.  He went on to explain that they had searched high and low for a man for me to marry, but no one had wanted to. I was shocked! No one wanted me? That had never happened.  He went on to say that they had to face the facts, that I would be asleep again for 50 years since I was in no state to move around.

They had even talked to Julian, but it had been impossible to locate him. He had fled the country soon after his sister’s curse had been cast.  They told me that if I were to live through this, some arrangements had been made that I may not like. That was when I realized my sister, sobbing in the corner.  She looked like she had been crying for hours. I then learned who the old lady was; she was the Julian’s grandmother! She had had pity on me, and thought I should be given a little help. I guess that Elaina had never been crazy, but an actual witch. It turned out that the women in the Julian’s family were witches on Julian’s fathers side. His sister had overreacted but nothing could be done. They decided that my sister was to be punished by staying in the same to be my guard while I slept for hundreds of years until I was awake for good, she would die right with me if I never found a man. My parents had come to the conclusion that is was part of my sisters fault that I had gotten this exact curse, since she had partly suggested it.

The next 2 days were a blur, people were constantly running around to make sure I would be protected, there was literally a 400 year plan made for me, with contracts written in and lists of things that I must have, I even had a budget. I spent those days in a haze. I was still hoping that when the seventh say came I wouldn’t fall asleep for 50 years, I tried really hard that night not to go to sleep, but at the stroke of midnight I fell asleep and t he next time I woke up it was 50 years later.

I know it may not be the smartest to post this on the internet, but no one knows the plan or the ending, and I'm pretty sure that if someone were to steal my idea and sell it and make money off it, that I could show this and numerous emails to prove it was my idea. Besides I'm pretty sure no one but my friends really read this anyways! I hope all who read this love it!

Ancient FaceBook

    I noticed something really weird about myself the other day, I seem to dream about what I would talk about if I was a comedian. I find myself thinking things all the time that I realize if I tried to talk about it to someone it would be really random, because how in the world would this come up in conversation, or even at all unless you were a comedian. Here is what was on my mind:

I was thinking What if FaceBook was invented first and has been around ever since! (I know how impossible this is, but just visualize this with me!) First of all Imagine the kind of groups they would have when cave men were there! Or any time really, it would probably be stuff like "Say no to the Stamp Acts" Or "If you think women should be able to vote press like here" Or "The world is round not flat!" People's statuses would be like Thomas Edison "Day 157: Attempt 30 at the light bulb" and "Suzie wore a skirt above her ankles what a scandal!" Or better yet, what would their relationship statuses be? Probably things like "Single but I have a arranged marriage coming up" "Courting" and things like that.You know I really should start comedy videos....Never mind! I would never get around to it, and I would be constantly changing it! So here ya go! The next time I have a mental comedy sceen I will share it with you!

Hillarious exchanges on FB and some surprisingly true

These all contributed to my amazing mood today!

Teacher humor,


Teacher: Can you see God? Class: No. Teacher: Can you touch God? Class: No. Teacher: Then there isn't a God! Student: Sir, can you see your brain? Teacher: No. Student: Can you touch your brain? Teacher: No. Student: So you have no brain!

Teacher leave the room during a test:
Elementary- *silence*
Middle- *whispers* can i have gum?
High school- *yells across the room* hey whats number 1?

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Old people? How original!


Age 5- mom: "honey your goldfish died" You: **cries, cries, cries**
Age 15- mom: "honey your goldfish died" You: "we had a goldfish??"

Grandpa: When i was your age my momma would send me down to the store with $1 and I would come back with 5 bags of potatoes 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk a box of tea and 6 eggs but you cant do that these days too many stupid security cameras

My mums so old fashioned, she thinks LOL means lots of love, one day she sent me a text saying "Grandmas died LOL"

Guy:God, how long is a million years to you?
God:A minute.
Guy:How much is a million dollars to you?
God:A penny.
Guy:Can I have a penny?
God:In a minute.

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BLONDES!!!!!!!! (It's ok, I am a blonde, it is ok for me to like blonde jokes)


Someone Hacked into a Blondes computer account. The password was: MickeyGoofyPlutoDaisyCinderellaShrekDonkeyFionaWashingtonD.C. When asked why she had such a long password she replied that she was told it had to have at least eight characters and one capital.

Blonde: WHO WANTS TO DATE ME AND HURRY?!?!?!
Boy: Why do you want someone to date you?
Blonde: Because in 2012 every SINGLE person would die!!


A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body."
"That's odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean"
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says, "You're not a natural brunette are you?"
"No I'm a blonde", she replies.
"I thought so.... your finger is broken.", replies the doctor.

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Friends!

**Friends**
"Wanna come over?"
"Sure, but let me shower, put makeup on & do my hair first."
**Best friends**
"I'm coming over."
"Okay, but I look like crap."
"I don't care, so do I."

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Love,


Him: Hey

You (to yourself): Oh my God.. he just texted me.. I wonder what he wants.. maybe he just wants to talk... maybe he's mad at me, i mean all he said was hey... I should just answer him, i don't want to keep him waiting...well maybe i'll wait another 3 minutes so he thinks i'm busy... no, that's too obvious. Could this mean he's into me? Or is he just bored? Either way is fine, i mean i don't care if he likes me back. who said that i even liked him?! i'm just gonna text him back now. Should i reply hi or hey? or hey with three y's? no that's stupid. 2 y's works. He won't know if i did it on purpose or if it was just accidental. Okay. I got this.
Breath in, breath out.

You: Heyy


I'm at Wal*Mart, hair tied up in a bun, no makeup, sweat pants,old t-shirt with paint and holes in it, and slippers. and every time I turn around, HOT GUYS EVERYWHERE.
freakkin lovely.


Girlfriend - Hey!
Boyfriend - I need to speak to you...
Girlfriend - Oh what about?
Boyfriend - I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore...
Girlfriend - What?! *becomes upset*
Boyfriend - I want to be your husband *Pulls out a box and proposes*
Girlfriend - :) ...